No More Monitor Bag

What is a monitor bag, you say? Well, it's a white cotton bag you wear around your neck when you go to cardiac rehab. It has your name on it, and when you get to your cardiac rehab class, you put your numbered heart monitor in the bag, place 3 sticky electrodes under your shirt (2 on upper chest, one on ribs) and connect the heart monitor's 3 leads to your electrodes. If all goes well, a large screen tv will then display a readout of your heart rate as you exercise, and you can then slough off or increase your efforts as needed.

Today I graduated. I still go to cardiac rehab, but I'm off the monitor, baby! No more white bag around my neck! No more having to get there extra early to fumble with wires and sticky pads! No more turning to the wall and hunching to connect my leads so that the men in the class can't see my tubby tummy when I pull up my shirt! No more sticky shlepping when I take off the electrodes, which have the gummiest gum known to mankind on them!

When you are a recovering heart surgery patient, progress is measured in these small steps. What it means is that after so many weeks of exercising with a heart monitor, the exercise gurus have determined that the defibrillation paddles and oxygen tanks (which they keep on hand in clear view of you as your heart pounds during exercise, inevitably increasing the fear factor) are probably not in my future as of this time.

They still take my blood pressure, but now they put paddles on my chest twice a session to check my heart rate. One more small step for me in a journey of a thousand small steps.

For those of you who have yet to "enjoy" being the center of attention during a heart event, let me just say that it is like being born again. When you first come out of the operating theater, you are like a baby. You aren't even breathing on your own. A tube in your bladder is an adult substitute for a diaper. You can't even get out of bed without help, and someone has to give you your first post-op washing up. So as day follows day, many of them quite dismal, you measure your progress in tiny steps. Opening my own juice container was a small step. Being able to button something made me feel almost grown up again. Going off Lasix and potassium supplements was step that made me feel like I really was getting better. I even remember the first time I was able to creak my aching arm across my body, reach up under the opposite arm, and put on my own deodorant! And so on, and so on.

So as you can imagine, taking off that white bitch of a bag felt mighty darn good! I am just about back to normal. Other than finishing cardiac rehab, getting off Coumadin next week, and getting a stress test in March, I am officially over the surgery. And I do feel good! A lot better, anyway. Just thought I'd mention it.